Ta Da! Your Presence, Your Story, Your Authentic Voice!

Stories are the tool for creating impact, whatever your goals are in telling the story. Think about it. When do you not use a story when you are attempting to persuade, inform or entertain? I would guess never. Even a small one. In this video, I answer some of the common questions I receive on crafting and telling a story with impact.

Did you see Lincoln yet? The movie starring Daniel Day-Lewis? If you haven’t, I highly recommend you do. Not only is it a powerful movie about the passage of the 13th Amendment, it is a compelling argument for the power of stories. Lincoln did it to encourage understanding, persuade, and often just to amuse himself and his listeners. What can we learn from Lincoln? Check out this video.

It’s a funny thing about compassion. While we acknowledge our basic needs for food, shelter and work, sometimes we forget our need to both give and receive compassion, all while many in our country feel lonely, depressed and anxious.

I read an article recently in “The Daily Good” — The Science of Compassion — by James R. Doty, M.D. He is the director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University. In this article, he writes about the poverty of connectedness many Americans experience. He reports one study that revealed 25 percent of Americans have no one they feel close enough with to share a problem. He goes on to state that this lack of social connectedness can have an even greater impact on one’s vulnerability to disease and death than smoking, obesity, lack of physical activity and blood pressure. Pretty startling. But not surprising.

The other day I went on a date. Over chips and guacamole, this gentleman remarked how fortunate I was to have a wonderful relationship with my son, close friends, a family who cares, my puppies, and work I enjoy. He lives alone, has no family in town, and no animals. Sometimes I feel lonely and lament that I am single and spend much of my workday in front of a computer. Then, through a conversation like this, I realize how fortunate I am.

For those who are feeling the effects of social disconnection, what can we do to alleviate the suffering? Doty recommends compassion and altruism. He defines compassion as the recognition of suffering in another and a desire to alleviate that suffering. I think it is also the suffering in ourselves, so self-compassion is also important. The giving and receiving of these lead to significant mental and physical well-being. Our ability to support one another and share our lives are not only central to our survival, they are essential to our happiness.

So, what does this have to do with stories, communication, and happy work places? Obviously, one of the greatest ways we share our compassion is through the listening and telling of our stories. It is how we connect deeply with each other and support our journeys. Telling our story can be very healing. Listening intently to another human being tell his or her story is one of the greatest acts of altruism you can give.

So next time someone starts to share a story, listen up. You might just be the only person who listened that day.

Feeling and exhibiting nervousness. Forgetting the words or having the wrong content. Lack of audience interaction.

These are the three things most of the folks I coach dread whenever they contemplate speaking in front of a group, large or small. The thought of these three things happening can send fear coursing through the veins of even the most powerful CEO or community leader.

Here’s the thing: we often create the worst possible scenario in our heads before we even begin — I’ll drop my notes, my voice will shake, someone will make a critical comment I don’t know how to deal with. Aaaaahhhhh!  These thoughts becomes more terrifying if the audience will contain people you want to impress.

What do you do?

First, realize your fear is coming from an idea, not reality. It’s coming from what you are telling yourself, not what is necessarily happening. Just knowing this can make the difference. I’m not saying you haven’t had a bad experience — maybe you have. And maybe that bad experience has become lodged in your brain in such a way it has created an involuntary reaction.  Or, perhaps your fears are just the result of doing something for the first time — the fear of the unknown.

Whatever the case, I know you can change your experience because I’ve done it. What drove my fear was the thought I might fail. I was afraid the people in the audience would not respond, that I would hit a bad note or forget the words when I sang, or that I wouldn’t be taken seriously. Overall, I was afraid I wasn’t good enough, and that I had no right to be on the platform. You can imagine, it took some time to work through those issues, but when I did, the fear dropped and I became a much better speaker and performer.

So, what did I do, other than years of personal growth work?! Here are some ideas for you:

1. Realize you are the instrument for the delivery of this information. It’s not about you, it’s about your audience. It’s about what you can bring to them. When you put your focus on your audience, you can let go of your self-consciousness. I often pick a couple of “touchstones” in the audience I come back to again and again – a couple of smiling faces. I imagine I am giving to them something that will make a huge, positive difference in their lives, and that helps me stay focused.

2. Know that your audience, at least 99 percent of them, are there for you. They want you to succeed — they are on your side. You can be yourself. In fact, it is most important that you be yourself. People respond to genuineness. And if you make a mistake, or it doesn’t seem that your audience is with you, that’s okay. You cannot tell if your message is getting through by an audience’s response. There have been times I thought I’d “died,” only to find out later I received great evaluations!

3. Prepare well, rehearse well and have your notes available. Make sure you connect with the concerns of your audience beforehand so they know you “get them.” And if you do forget something, remember, no one else knows what you’re going to say.

4. Get there early and check out your environment. Make sure it is set up for your success. As the speaker, that is your job.

5. Be there to greet people as they come in the door. Smile, introduce yourself, shake hands, ask their names, share a kind word. Now you know them, and they know you. They are no longer strangers, they are friends. (This practice is so unexpected they are pleasantly surprised.)

6. Take some time before your speech to get yourself in a good mental and emotional space. Use NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) techniques that anchor relaxation and happiness with speaking.

7. Let go of the outcome. Part of mastery is recognizing that unexpected opportunities arise in the moment. Your training and preparation will help get you through. I always tell my clients, you are the one to deliver this information or you wouldn’t be there. If you encounter anything uncomfortable during your speech, take a deep breath and be open to whatever insights you receive. Recognize that while you have a lot of influence, you are not alone in this. The whole universe has conspired to get you there.

Remember,  there is the speech you prepare, the speech you rehearse, and the speech you give. They will all be different, but the one you give will be exactly what is needed for your audience. Trust that the best result will come to pass. Be yourself. Have fun. When you have fun, you subconsciously give others permission to have fun. And really, that is a big part of what your audience wants. When you put your focus on your audience, you will be so engaged your concerns will drop away. Go forth, and as we say in the theater, break a leg!

Every speaker I know dreads this question because it is usually followed by some comment about how your speech or presentation fell short of that person’s expectations — how your opinion is misinformed or plain wrong, or that they don’t like the story you told, or one of my favorites from years past, “my, you looked nervous! Sometimes the information is delivered with kindness. Other times, I swear, people just like to one-up the speaker. The attitude seems to be that if you’re on the platform, all’s fair. Whether you agree with this or not, as a speaker, there are things you can do to handle these kinds of reactions because it’s probable that at some point you will experience them. This is not a reflection on you, but it can make a difference in the experience for you and the audience, and your self-confidence.  In this video, I offer some tips on how to meet these comments with grace and humility. Enjoy!

We’ve all heard of the “it” factor — that thing some people have that makes the rest of us want to watch and listen to them. Another word for the “it” factor is charisma, or what Simon Cowell would call, the “X” factor. He created a whole show about that.

Another word for this is “presence,” except presence has a much greater meaning. When someone has presence, in addition to that compelling attractiveness and charm of charisma, he or she also commands authority and respect and brings with it a humility, graciousness and ease.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines presence in several ways. Two of those are:

1. The bearing, carriage or air of a person; especially stately or distinguished bearing; a noteworthy quality of poise and effectiveness.

2. Something (as a spirit) felt or believed to be present.

What I take from these definitions is this: presence is something we feel, experience and respond to in another that comes across in his or her bearing and in the quality of our exchange. For each of us, presence is our own unique expression and shows up in how we present ourselves and relate to others.

While many speakers and performers have the “it” factor, the great speakers and performers have presence. They are authentic. They are consciously connected to who they are and confident in their purpose.

How do you “get” that? In many ways, presence is very mysterious, but the more you connect with your authentic self, the more you will release your authentic voice and exude “presence.” When it comes to speaking, you can start by paying attention to these two key elements: authentic intention and skillful action.

Authentic intention: What do you want for your audience? The answer to this question comes from your very heart and being. How do you want to support your listeners? How do you want them to feel when they have left your presence? What gifts are you there to give? When we know someone’s words and actions come from a place of kindness, caring and true service, we are more likely to let those words in. It’s about building trust.

Skillful action: We can have the best of intentions, but without skillful action, we might not communicate what we intend. We might not have the kind of impact we would like.  Skillful action incorporates getting very clear about our message, crafting it with care and deliberation, and delivering it with skill.

Some say the “it” factor is something you’re born with, or not. I don’t know. But, when it comes to presence, we all have that within us. If you want to have the presence to make a significant impact on your audience, and in your life, it’s as simple as deciding to take the time to look at your authentic intention and engage skillful action. Because as I am fond of saying, if you’re there doing the work, it is you.

Are you more comfortable with Word, or Excel? Do you find yourself more excited about creating spreadsheets, or writing stories? We all have a comfort zone when it comes to right brain-left brain work. Nothing wrong with that, unless you need to go to the other side. And who doesn’t sometimes? Maybe you’re more a numbers person, and you need to write a story. What then?!

In this video, Andrea shares some information and ideas on how to become more comfortable with discomfort.

Let me explain . . . What I mean is . . . Here’s an example . . .

These are often the openings we use to launch into a story that will help us explain, teach, or illuminate a point we’re trying to make. Perhaps we want to explain our behavior, or ask for different behavior. Perhaps we want to provide context to a decision. Whatever we want, a story can help us accomplish that. Click on this video for more on this.