Even the smallest of our actions can have a major impact. Think of the last time someone gave you a genuine smile, sincerely thanked you, or complimented something you did. Didn’t that feel good? It was a small connection and yet carried a big payoff. Why? Because it’s not about the thing itself, it’s about the connection. 

As speakers and leaders, if we can remember to connect with the person first, we’re more than halfway there. If we don’t, it can have unfortunate consequences in our lives, in our work, and with our audiences.

A couple of years ago, I attended an event where I was able to hear one of my favorite thought leaders. I had read all of his books and watched a number of his videos. I was so excited to meet him because I admired his work. So, you can imagine my thrill when I walked into the event room to see him sitting behind a table. He wasn’t busy with anyone else but was looking at his laptop screen. So, I walked up to the table, smiled, and introduced myself. I told him how excited I was to hear him speak. He looked up at me. He didn’t smile. Instead, he asked me, “You didn’t see any license plates from Florida out in the parking lot, did you? I’m trying to find one.” (We were in Phoenix.) I answered, “Uh, no.” He responded, “Okay.” He then returned his gaze to his computer screen. The encounter was clearly over. I left. (As an aside, as a professional speaker and speech coach, I know that once you step inside that meeting room, you are on. This is the time to meet your audience, be sociable and engage.)

I found my seat and the event unfolded. The meal was delicious. The company at my table was delightful. He did a nice job speaking. You could tell the audience members enjoyed him by their laughter and questions. No surprise there. Everyone received a copy of his latest book. 

Since that day, I haven’t read the book. I haven’t watched another one of his videos. I don’t look at his email. I’m not upset. I just have no desire. 

In professional terms, he wasn’t congruent with his professional brand. He’d created a brand that supported being a human-centered leader — to pay attention and treat others with respect and thoughtfulness. That’s not what I experienced. My perception of him changed dramatically as a result of that one small experience. 

I recognize that was only one encounter, and yet, that was the only one we were likely to have. It mattered. 

Every one of our audience and team members is going to have unvoiced expectations of us based on who we say we are — our language and actions. They are paying attention to see if we are congruent. While we can’t be perfect, we can do our best to be aware and responsible, and when we fall short, accountable.

Here are a few ideas to make the most of those small moments of connection:

  1. Put people first. Creating genuine connection goes a long way. We have the mistaken idea we are rational beings. That’s not true. We process emotionally and kinesthetically first, then apply our rational thinking. Put down your phone, take your eyes off the computer screen (if you’re in person), pay attention to the person in front of you. This small moment may be the only opportunity you have.
  2. Get clear about your offering and your expectations. Vagueness is the enemy of connection and can create no end of problems. Do your best to spell out what you are offering, what others can expect of you, and what you expect of them. This applies to the job description or the speaking agreement. By doing so, you can eliminate many misunderstandings and negative surprises up front. 
  3. Speak to the heart and mind. The very best things in life are emotional — love, kindness, happiness. These are not the rational parts of our being. Tune in to the emotional needs and feelings of your folks in addition to their needs for information. Ensure they feel seen and heard for the best connections and outcomes.

The smallest of interactions can have the biggest of impacts. The best thing we can do is become aware of how we’re showing up in each moment so we can be congruent with our words and actions. I’d love to support you! Please contact me at andrea@andreabeaulieu.com. Be well.